Saturday, November 23, 2013

A Room That I Keep

Buried  beneath six years history
Between years of inconsistency and misery--
The first time I ever felt I really existed
In someone else’s eyes--
Is a room that I keep,
You must have helped build my walls
Because your fingerprints
Still mark the insides

And when I whisper,
“One day I’ll love again,”
It’s your name seen leaving my lips
Like winter day breaths,
I confess you every time
My stupid lonely mouth has to undress.

It is a somewhere, hidden in the back of my stare
But I have to bury it so deep down
Because no matter where it’s around
My ceiling has leaks that fall upwards
And you’re spilling out from me.
So meanwhile I’ll weigh out my smiles
And maybe one day they’ll be heavy enough
To hush you asleep--in my room that I keep

like you never existed
like you never had a thing to do with me
like I never loved you
like every single time I awake
it’s not you I just achingly dreamt of
and I really wish that were true
because you do not stop invading me
even in spaces not meant for you
so just please stay in the place I left you
So that I can just leave you.

There is a room that I keep 

That not even I can put to sleep.

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